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What the F am I doing

** PLEASE NOTE- Before reading this post realize that I am very grateful for what God has blessed my family and I with **

The trip to Omaha this weekend stirred up some major feelings, the majority of which are about my 'career'. When I originally thought of a career in the arts my only focus was on doing something I enjoy-NOT a job that will allow me to feed my family.

How did this come about you ask? While visiting in Omaha our friends Ed & Jackie stopped by with their beautiful daughter Sasha. Ed and I began talking and I made the mistake to ask what exactly he does for a living. My wife had told me he works in a lab but that didn't paint a clear picture.

"For starters, we basically inject mice with human cells and help them stabilize. After that we inject them with the HIV virus to study them and try to help find a cure."

Oh, that's all? Nope.

"My goal is to become a professor if I don't find a major breakthrough or anything. What you have to do is write papers on certain subjects and publish them. The more quality papers a Dr. can publish the better, ya know?"

I gave him the nod without really knowing what he was really talking about. All I could thing was that I work as a graphic designer/desktop publisher for my 9-5. I (try to) work as a web designer/programmer at night. During the day I am somewhat of a cook at a restaurant that serves printing. We are a growing restaurant and people love the food, but the only people that are gaining from it are the servers that make all the tips. Enough of the bad analogy-Besides that I'm NOT changing the world, influencing the youth or any other noble cause. I make designs that go on paper-hold the applause.

Ed suggested I look into architectural engineering for a career. That sparked a little in my head and would be great and all but I've already went to college and I will be paying for the education for several years to come. My wife is in nursing school and I have two children, both under the age or 4. Time isn't necessarily on my side here. Or is it?

I made mention of my little struggle to a co-worker yesterday and he shed some amazing insight on the subject. He simply said that a long time ago he realized that he wasn't going to gain his sense of self from work. His plan was to be the best father, husband and friend he could possibly be-and THAT would define him.

Touché.

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